This morning, as I was snoozing through my alarm (for an hour or so), I was in the midst of a super annoying dream. If you have read a post or two of mine, I am a pretty straight forward kind of gal. If I want you to know something, I will tell you. If it doesn’t really matter, I won’t go out of my way. I don’t like to cause friction, but I won’t sugar coat life.
I actively avoid drama. But, this annoying dream made me realize something. Maybe I AM guilty of complaining too much?
Here is a snapshot of the crappy dream (which may be based on some real life events)… Jerritt was bitching at my mom about the garbage can in the kitchen being too full, and the dog getting into it. Then I started bitching at both of them that the garbage is always too full, and doesn’t get taken out, unless I do it. So as I was mumbling at/about both of them who are talking about the garbage, I grabbed the bag to take it out. In my dream, I walked past Kevin in the kitchen, who was making chocolate milk. There was so much chocolate in there, that it hardly looked diluted…. so I made some sort of snarky comment to him about NEVER having chocolate milk again, and he just gave me a sly smile and said sure mom, while Nate laughed and encouraged him to add more chocolate….
That is all I remember (I don’t often remember my dreams, and I may need therapy – but that isn’t the point). And I am NOT going to say that these conversations have taken place in our kitchen. But I can’t fully deny it either. But – here is what stuck with me (when I hopped out of bed in a panic, because I was running behind)…. In my dream, I didn’t do anything to make anything better. I didn’t fix anything. I bitched and complained, and hinted at things that bothered me – and NOTHING CHANGED.
Crap. Maybe I am falling into a trap, where I am expecting folks to live up to expectations that I don’t tell them I have. Seriously – how can I expect a house full of males to KNOW that they are pissing me off, if I don’t explicitly tell them. We all know that waiting for them to pick up on the signals will lead to a lifetime of disappointment. I have even had whole conversations with Jerritt how it annoys me when I see this in other houses. Damn it!!! I hate when I realize that I have been a hypocrite!
So starting today…. I am going to make a very conscious effort to not complain. For reals… it doesn’t solve anything. I am not going to excuse it away, saying I am “venting”, not complaining. It is the same thing. Bitching about things, but not contributing a single effort to change things is a waste of time. A waste of life.
Take a minute and think about the last thing you were complaining about…. did your words and attitude do anything to make your life better? Let’s take my dream for an example…. I can either mutter things under my breath about the garbage not being taken out, and end up doing it myself – OR – I can simply ask – “Jerritt, will you please take out the garbage?”(and possibly end up taking it out myself anyways… but hey, at least I tried).
My mom (I love her to death), is famous for making snarky comments and expecting change…. Really, I do love you mom! It drives me bananas. I find it passive aggressive, and solves NOTHING. And yet…. I think I have been falling into this rabbit hole lately, and it has been causing a strain on the whole house. Think about how much easier life would be, if there were not a cloud of misinterpretation and misunderstanding?!?!
If I really want you to DO something – I can either make hints about it, or directly communicate my expectations or request. I’m no genius, but if I were a betting girl, I would guess that the “hint” would miss the mark MOST of the time!
I will take it a day at a time…. then a week at a time. I am going to replace my habit of complaining into a habit of changing. If something doesn’t work – I can take steps to make it better, or adjust my expectations. But – I no longer want to waste time with negative fillers. Life is too short for that crap. It will be a hard habit to break. And, if I start bitching to you without offering a solution, please call me on it!
Anyone else want to give it a try? I expect to see some big (positive) changes in my life to come from this…. Come on – what have you got to lose?!? I challenge you (whoever read this to the end) – 24 hours without complaining. Let’s do this!!!
#CrazyAsAMother #QuitYourBitchin #ForgetSubtleHints #BeDirect #NoComplaints