Deep breath, Reset

Deep breath & reset…. if you have been around me at a baseball game – you have heard me say this. If you worked with me during the stress of the acquisition at work last year, you heard me say it. Take a deep breath, reset your mindset and move forward. And now I need to take my own advice.

This week marks 7 years since I met Jerritt and we became us. Unfortunately I am not going to be sharing the usual anniversary post this year. With a very heavy heart, I am letting you all know that Jerritt and I have decided to separate. I am putting this out there, because rather than letting rumors or speculation run like wildfire, we just want people to know. This is a hard time for all 4 of us, and what we really need is our tribe to show up and be there for us.

Let me start by saying, if you feel the need to “choose sides” and place blame – don’t. Our hearts are breaking right now, and we don’t need any added drama.

The reality is that we are two adults that love each other, but at this point in this life – the healthiest thing is to be apart. And it fucking sucks. Being an adult sucks. Being a parent in this spot – impossible.

Twelve year old boys have a hard time with all things emotional anyways. Now we have to explain to them that we are at this point, and we love each other and we both love them unconditionally (and super stress that this decision is NOT THEIR FAULT, at all…not even a smidge) – but, surprise – we are blowing up your lives. Seeing my boys cry, hardest thing EVER.

Friends & fam… this is one of the most important things to get out of this. Jerritt has been there for these kids since they were 5. I NEED my tribe to help with these boys. Their lives are better with him in it, his life is better with the boys. We are going to go through this awkward stage while we untangle our lives – but I fully support, and encourage their relationship. Perhaps they will grow even closer without all the other stress of our lives together. So, friends – don’t make it weird when he shows up for them at games or school things. We are family and we focus on what matters.

Our moody twelve year olds need some extra love and support. They need a little extra understanding. They need solid people around them that they can count on.

For me – I need a drink. I’m kidding (sort of). I need hugs. I need to be able to let my grief breathe. I need a plan to move forward. Don’t ask how I am doing – unless you are ready for some tears. Don’t expect me to share gory details of how we got to this point – except I can tell you about the things I own in this…. But please don’t let me wallow in this alone. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of being the one who keeps going. I will be okay eventually. I just need some extra support right now. So please, reach out – I am not good at asking for help – but I am doing it now.

I just want to be brave enough to really love my body, embrace my weirdness, tell energy vampires to fuck off, face my demons, try new things, listen to my intuition, speak my truth, and be the wild woman I was born to be.”

Brooke Hampton (fb/barefoot five)

We don’t know what the long term future holds for us. No one does. No one cheated, no one lied. Neither one of us is to blame. Both of us need to take some time to work on our own issues and support the kids – and we will see. Maybe we find the best versions of our selves and it leads us back to each other – maybe we just end up thankful for the time we had. Our hearts are broken right now, and we are asking for your love and understanding.

One last note….be prepared, because I will be using you all for my free group therapy as I sort through my issues…. Writing makes me feel better, so thank you for reading.

One final thought for anyone who decides to use this crappy situation to perpetuate hate…

#AdultingSucks #BrokenHeartedMomma #JustKeepSwimming #FrickAndFrack #CrazyAsAMother #ExhaustedAndTrying #StandByMyTribe #NoDramaMommaLlama