No Clue

Well. We did it. We somehow managed to start another school year in this #ShitShow we call 2020.

I’ve been pretty quiet (for me) during this whole pandemic. Because I honestly can’t even handle my own emotional roller coaster most days… Y’all 2020 has me at a loss for words, and I am not even sure what to do about it!

Looking back at my posts this year… March 8th, the day after my birthday. I thought… “this is it! This will be a year to remember!”… and for sure it is, but not for the kick-ass reasons I had in mind. So yeah, then I posted about the historical pandemic that we are all getting the chance to take part in – but this was still early March, where it was all about scoring rolls of toilet paper, like our lives depended on it – and let’s face it, it felt unreal… Then a mom’s day post in May (where I didn’t even bring up the weirdness of 2020). A whole lot happened (and a whole lot didn’t), and I seriously CANNOT EVEN DEAL! And yet somehow, we have kept moving forward and survived.

The end of the last school year, I just kind of gave up. Didn’t make the kids stick to schedules. Didn’t make them do much of anything… I was just trying to find a new balance in my life with working from home full time and attempting to not panic and freak out at what was happening in the world. Not gonna lie, I am still a little freaked out. And there is little that resembles balance. Am I working out everyday? No. Is my laundry all cleaned and folded? No. Meals prepped and ready, to avoid going to the store everyday? Also no.

Then we just sort of rolled into summer vacation, without much excitement or things to look forward to. Baseball cancelled. No hanging out with friends at the beach. No trips to the Boardwalk or bowling. ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH, NADA. So yeah…. I pulled out M.O.T.Y. (Mom Of The Year) lifetime membership card, and let my kids do WHATEVER to not fight and not bug me. You want to stay awake until 3 am and sleep until 2pm?!? Fine, just don’t eat junk food all night (and don’t bother me while I am working). You want to play video games all day – whatevs. How many days did you wear those clothes?!? Please shower….

Dudes – I am used to every minute of every week and weekend booked with activities and sports. I am used to being on the run with these guys… and as chaotic as that seems to the outside world, I sincerely miss it. I miss all the people we normally interact with. I miss the shuffle of kids from one place to the next, with my tiny car packed to the max in gear and food and STUFF. But, part of me kind of enjoyed the slow down. Part of me liked letting the kids do whatever. I thought we would do more TOGETHER, with all this time at home, but let’s face it… I’m mom & they are teenage boys (so yeah, not happening). I am both happier than I have been in a long while, and also freaked out, because I have NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!!! I mean, I know I need to get my life together, but I am also kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort into it.

So anyhow… back to my point here. Today was the first day of 8th grade for my kiddos. Was kind of hoping that it would feel like a fresh start, a new routine, something BIG…. but it is just kind of more of the same. Well, relatively more of the same – it IS 2020, after-all! You know, when we are expected to work from home, school from home & California is in the middle of a heat wave, having rolling blackouts & burning down with wildfires from freak lightning…. But anyways, here was my simple mental checklist for getting ready for back to school:

1. Get back to a “normal” schedule. All electronics to me by 10 pm. Up at a decent time to start the day!

Meh. Most nights I cannot stay awake long enough to collect phones at 10. And, if I saw them awake when their dad dropped them off in the morning, that counts for being up, right?!? Anyways, I have a million meetings to call into, so you just do you! And just so you know, some of y’alls kids are messaging mine at 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning…

2. Eat more than one healthy meal a day.

Nope. I can only account for dinner. I pick the battles I can win. You want frozen taquitos for breakfast, have them. You want leftovers from last night? Sure! Top Ramen – just clean up your mess. Do you want me to buy you something specific for breakfasts? Lunches? Nope… I GIVE UP!

3. Buy back to school stuff.

Nah. What do you need new clothes for? Chances are that you will be taking your zoom calls in your underwear. Shoes? You aren’t going anywhere kid. Do you want haircuts? Nope – one is trying to grow a mullet and the other has a love/hate relationship with his curls. Backpack? Nope. You don’t need to carry your stuff very far. But I did buy paper, pencils, pens & erasers. Oh, and I bought noise cancelling headphones, but they don’t have a microphone, so there you go. For the most part, trying to prepare for school at home has saved us money. Although, any saved money is going to suppliment our food (and adult beverage) budget.

As you can see, I am KILLING this whole parenting thing right now. 3 simple things, none of which was really achieved…. But here is the super scary thing – I am not even stressed about it any more! I have always been known as a planner – maybe even a little bit of a control freak… but now with so many bigger things to worry about – It is what it is, and 2020 is going to do whatever the fuck it wants anyways, so now is the time in life to learn to go with the flow!

So weird, right?!?

The first day of school was not without challenges…

9:15 AM – they log into first period, no real issues. Parents group on Facebook is all a flutter, looking for classroom codes for online classes.

10:00 AM – Power goes off… oops! Drop out of that class and work is paused.

10:15 PM – Power comes back on, boys log into next class, I try to figure out what the hell I was working on….

12:23 PM Power off again. Ugh.

12:30 PM Power back on, have a few minutes left in class. Seriously… what the hell am I supposed to be doing?!?

12:44 PM – Power is off again. I give up…

1:08 PM still no power, just a few minutes before the last class of the day… should we go to Grandma’s and use the WiFi? Nah, we will just email teachers about the power outage.

1:13 PM power is back on. Yes! One minute to log into the last class… I still have no idea what I am doing.

1:59 PM classes done. I piss everyone off by making them clean up their school crap from the table. We have been awake and in the same space for too long today, and it’s beginning to show…

All of this to say… it’s okay to not be okay. Did we have a great first day back?!? Nope! Were the kids happy to see their friends, only online?!? Not at all! Were my kids easy to work with & in a good mood?!! Bhahahahaha Will we try again tomorrow & hope for a better day?!? Absofreakinlutley!!! Heck… I threatened to suspend these assholes today, for talking back, throwing erasers at each other, and wrappers in the ground! And by suspend, I mean take away their free time!

Oh… and to keep my position of M.O.T.Y. going strong…. one kid has the backdrop in his Zoom focused on my (hard earned) collection of whisky bottles & the other kid was shoveling gummy bears like he hadn’t eaten in a week… so there’s that going for me….

It’s okay to not have a solid plan right now. It’s okay to just see where this path is leading. Don’t miss out on the good things because you are worried about things that you cannot possibly fix.

No one knows what they are doing this year, and anyone who pretends otherwise is shady! What I have been trying to do to survive is to enjoy the good stuff…. like Booze Baskets (if you know, then you know). Or adventures with my new guy. Or just the laughter…. oh my gosh, I have laughed more during this pandemic than I have in YEARS! Connecting with those that matter, is really all that matters… the rest is what it is.

You do you. Keep those kids on task during school hours and then WHAT THE FUCK EVER you need to do to get through. No judgment here…. we are all just living our best lives right now, given the state of the world.

#FrickAndFrack #CrazyAsAMother #RaiseThemRad #EighthGrade #DistanceLearning #BecauseTheRona

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CrazyAsAMother

Crazy, passionate, creative, extremely flawed mother of twin boys. Currently unemployed & busier than ever.... looking for what life will bring us next!

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